Who are those brave and athletic men who achieve sporting and sartorial perfection on the cricket field every Wednesday throughout the summer? No idea. But this lot are The Blades:
Nadeem aka “The Dream Prince” Afzal
Nadeem always brings a touch of much needed class to proceedings, whether with ball or bat in hand – or even when just updating the scoreboard.
Ed aka “The Horse” AndersonWith his skin tight whites, flowing blond locks and bushy tash, the Horse brings a hint of much-needed old school glamour to the side. Another true all-rounder who excels in all the main disciplines required of a Blade. Namely, he can bat, bowl, keep wicket, drink and grow a mighty fine tache.
Ashley aka “Stephanie” Beecham
After his debut season of 2009, Steph has already had a massive impact on the club averages – our average age has plummeted from 34 to 33 ½ years. With his ability to bend the ball round corners he looks set for a long and successful career.
Ade aka “Renegade Web-master”, aka “The fat one off Masterchef” BrownLead vocalist with well-known musical duo The BTS, Ade is the club’s token celebrity player. Ade’s batting style is similar to the way he belts out a tune – full blooded, intense, passionate and usually over within four minutes.
Rob aka “Ulrika” CarrAnother who has come to the rescue of the selectors on many occasions when we’ve been short of numbers despite his oft repeated claim that he “kin hates cricket”. Rumours of Rob’s demise on the 2008 tour were thankfully greatly exaggerated.
Adam aka “The Duchess” Cornwall
A class act with either wood or ball in hand – and he’s not a bad cricketer too! (I’m here all week!)
Steve aka “The OSC” DalyLong time chairman of the Official Supporters’ Club, Steve is a devoted follower of the Blades. Has never missed an overseas tour, and even arranged his wedding to Wendy so that his honeymoon coincided with the 2009 Les Ormes tour. Steve brings a new dimension to the phrase “never troubled the scorer”
Neil aka “Farmski”, aka “Rossiter”, aka “Leonard”, aka “Cinzano”, aka “Joan Collins” FarmerBlade of the Year in his debut season. Since bursting onto the scene in 2011, Cinzo has torn up the club record books – and used them as arse paper.
Harry aka “Youth Policy” Fay
Just one of the conveyor belt of Talent making their debut for The Blades in 2014, Harry Fay took less than an over to become the joint all-time Blades wicket-taker in the Fay household. Rumours that Liverpool put in a £17million bid before the bails hit the floor are as yet unconfirmed.
John aka “Mr Fay” Fay
Jon aka “Galpino”, aka “The Galpster” Galpin
In the words of the song “he comes from Lordshill, he has infinite skill”. Over the years Galpino has developed into a go-to bowler, useful lower order batsman and a livewire fielder to boot. Jon’s feats both on and off the field have earned him cult status – so much so, that amongst those he has roomed with he is widely referred to as “that cult Galpin”.
Kev aka “MC” HamerTakes a very philosophical approach to his batting – if he’s out, he’ll shrug his shoulders, stroll back to the pavilion and perhaps mutter something deep about sardines and trawlers. Hates the use of industrial language near women and children.
Ian aka “The Silver Fox” HuntOne of our less vocal players, the boy Hunt prefers to let his bat do the talking – so much so that after a sleepless night rooming with Galpino, his bat came close to giving Lordshill’s finest a right talking to.
Mark aka “Billy”, aka “William The Younger” Hunter
Made his debut in 2009 and has already proved himself to be an aggressive top order batsman, an aggressive runner between the wickets, aggressive in the field – and, after a couple of sherberts, a little punchy in the bar after the game
Jim aka “Brocken”, aka “Geoff “Hat Trick””, aka “Jimmer” HurstJim has recovered well from a career threatening Achilles injury in 2009 to cement his place firmly in the bosom of the middle order. Known as the bravest man in the squad after volunteering to room with Lordshill’s finest on tour in 2010.
Colin aka “CJ”, aka “Crazy” JohnsonNow retired, CJ was a regular fixture at the top of the order and at first slip for years. The original facially hursute Blade and unintentional founder of The Taches
Andy aka “The Badger”, aka “Groinstrain Cowboy”, aka “Newport Express”, aka “The Mayor”, AKA “Crown Green Boyo” Lowe
Like many of his countrymen, Newport swings both ways and likes to slap it about a bit. Generally the first name on the team sheet, especially since taking over the captaincy. Currently leading the Blades “Most Nicknames” competition.
Barry aka “The Barrier”, aka “Bazza” MeeringWhen he’s on boundary patrol nothing gets past the Barrier, and many batsmen have perished by taking on his arm. He may throw like a girl – but that girl is called Fatima Whitbread.
Phillip aka “The Kid”, aka “L’enfant” MoradiThis wee bairn is proof that the Blades aren’t just a tired collection of withered old timers, and proof that even a Skate can be accepted into the Blades fold if he can bat and bowl. An over from the Kid is like a Hollywood blockbuster – a chiselled leading man, lots of action, some bloodshed, and usually a bit of filth thrown in for good measure.
Pete aka “Pockney Rebel” PockneyWe thought Pete had scored his last runs for the Blades when he emigrated to Australia in 2007. Luckily for us he was forced to return to Blighty when the Aussies discovered the truth about his criminal record – he didn’t have one.
Pete aka “Ormsey” Reynolds
Poached from our French rivals Les Ormes, Le Bon Pierre has settled well after initial language difficulties – he’s now fluent in leg side filth.
Dale aka “Emma”, aka, “The HOFF”, aka “Yorkshire”, aka “Wensley” RichardsonQuite simply, no Emma, no Blades. The Hoff (Head of Fixtures & Fittings) organises the fixtures, looks after the kit bag, deals with merchandising etc etc. On the field, Emma is a true all-rounder who can bat, bowl and keep wicket – sometimes all at the same time.
Graham aka “GT”, aka “G Man”, aka “King of Sping”, aka “G” Terry“It don’t mean a thing, if it aint got that sping.” Does the G-man spin it or does he swing it? Who knows, certainly not the countless batsmen he has bamboozled over the years – and probably not even GT himself.
Chris aka “Toom Zee” Tombs
Medium sized Chris keeps going from strength to strength with the bat and has cat like reflexes in the field. Off the field, Chris’s ambition is to learn how to fly before going on to join the mile high club – on a solo flight.
Mark aka “Gone A Bit Pete” Tong
Mark has firmly established himself at the business end of The Blades batting line-up. Cricket aficionados travel from far and wide to witness his unique (and we believe patented) one-armed bowling action.
Paul aka “Looney”, aka “Army” Toon
When the big fella hits the ball it stays hits. He’s the man who keeps bowlers lying awake at night quivering in fear – the police have been informed.
Jacob aka “The Chairman” WhitearNo club can perform without a powerful and inspiring figure in the back room taking control of contracts, arranging sponsorship etc. The Chairman takes care of these important tasks, but is always on hand for a rousing pre-match speech, or to present a coveted Chairman’s Award
Martyn aka “Jaws”, aka “White Ears”, aka “Two Queens”, aka “Wisden” Whitear
If you judge by the stats, then Jaws is surely the club Goat (greatest of all time)? Main contribution off the field is to, er, update the stats….
Dave aka “Zanopener” Whitmarsh
A long-term Blades legend, the mighty Z has stood in the middle in despair many times while his teammates trooped back to the pavilion in disgrace. More recenty though, too lazy to commute from Falkirk on a Wednesday, his appearances are at a premium.
David aka “Wikes”, aka “Bubbles”, aka “The Origami Kid” WilkesOver the years many have tried to take the coveted number 11 batting slot away from the young lad from Weymouth, but none have succeeded. Current holder of the “most creative spelling of own name” award